"Michelle, Plan Your Disney Wedding Today"

This was the subject line of an email I received today.

Not to sound bitter or anything, but um...

At what trade show from hell did I give my email address to the kinds of people who send me crap like this? I'd like to send them a little package as well... "hey asshole, plan your funeral today. you never know." Maybe I'm not engaged TODAY. Not everyone in the world is getting married. Fuckers.

Thank you Disney, for making me vomit TODAY.

p.s. If I WAS to get married, it wouldn't be a disneyfied piece of shit wedding, it would be organic and unique, something you people seek to destroy in this world.

A random email that made my day!...

Good morning Michelle!

As i write you I bare bad news... after i had left Sonic from an amazing night, i headed to FILM for some more dancing... just couldn't get enough.

While there, taking more classic photos with old and new friends, someone accidently deleted, not one, or two but ALL of my photos... and on a personal note, pictures that went well back before the start of the night.

As you could imagine, that hit me like a baseball on theside of the head, but it could be worse, i could have lost my appendix to bad chinese food! so as much as i hold that sonic night as a classic, we will have to work to redo the wrong and build some more classic shots!!

I hope you had a wonderful night that night as well and that we do cross paths in the near future... you got a good soul about you and a kick ass hat! LOL!!

stay well my friend and please keep in touch!

"Return to New York:" Mylo + Mstrkrft

What an incredible weekend.

After a seemingly endless workday last Friday, I threw on my favourite heels and my military cap and booted it down to Toronto for Mstrkrft and Mylo's CD release party at Sonic.

I met up with Krista at the always hospitable Stacey's house and finally met this Liz that Krista always says I have to meet. The four of us ladies head down town to sketchy Spadina (the last time I was there we arrived just in time for a shooting at 7/11)...and I had a little Louis Vuitton to keep me going...and something pink later (?)

Sonic is a club where the old theatre used to be on Spadina. Outside it's a nasty pile of cement that looks like a rendez-vous for crackheads. Inside, it's incredible. They have the biggest disco ball I have ever seen in any bar (period!) encapsulated by a fabulous chandelier. The decor is very funk meets arabian nights...comfy couches (a must when dancing exceeds 6 hours) and beautiful lanterns dangling over the bars. My only complaint are the many, many steps and stairways. Law-suits waiting to happen, in my opinion.

But enough about the venue. If Mylo made me hot, Mstrkrft made me WET. It was so hot I think I felt my body evaporate. Mstrkrft is made up of two guys, one of which is from the band "Death from Above." The music they played...it doesn't even exist yet. They played a remix of Metric's "Monster Hospital," some eightees remixes, some originals (BRILLIANT) and even some Happy Hardcore which was so nostalgic for me I nearly cried tears of joy.

Getting booted out at 5 am was pretty brutal since I was just peaking and ready to go another few hours. But then it gave me the opportunity to have an amazing 3-hour talk with Krista, who I miss so very, very much and who I will be seeing LOTS more now that she's back from Italy!!!

Saturday night's pool party was as fun as could be expected on zero sleep...but needless to say a heated pool was much welcomed. Dancing at the fox Saturday night was so bizarre, due to the lack of sleep...because it actually felt like a continuation of the same night.

Sleep that night was the most wonderful feeling in the entire world.

Sunday it was decided that I'm going to Paris at the end of the summer and I fell asleep reading about wine tours in Bordeaux.

IndieUnlimited - Harbourfront Centre

"The indie DIY (do it yourself) scene has evolved into a worldwide arts culture that is much more than "alternative". Celebrating DIY culture through electronica, rock and alt-country, fringe theatre, literature, blogs and future of music forums."

Click here for more information...

FYI: we missed 'beats breaks & culture' this year! nooooooooooooo

Steel?

If I had a nickel for every time someone said "you're so strong..."

But lately, not so much. Not the beautiful magnolia these days. And definitely not the steel.

That's ok. I'm allowed.

I've been on the trail of infinite crossroads and I'm beginning to see that whether I go left or right, I end up right where I started. It's a heart-shaped path with a jagged line running up the centre.

No more decisions, because they only count in the moment anyway.

Just be. And be strong.

This is a recording

Rogers wireless. The customer you are calling is not available. In fact, he probably will never be available. He's an idiot. Please give up and try calling someone else. This is a recording...

If you think my dog is hot...

I've started to get really angry lately. I think it's all the yo-yoing of my emotions. It's office work slowly starting to get to me (even though I have the best job ever, I really can't complain). It's Waterloo and everyone around me being in business. It's breakfast keggers in my backyard at 8 in the morning. It's people disappointing you. Again and again. It's being disappointed in yourself for having high or even moderate expectations of anyone other than yourself.

I need to have fun and drink tonight. I need to do my hair for once instead of just braiding it wet like a regular office wench only to feel like a poodle when I go out in the evening. I need to spend some time on myself not worrying about others and not trying to achieve anything but sublime drunkeness and inner peace.

A friend and I were on the phone a couple days ago talking about funny t-shirts...I have a thing for corny t-shirts with clever sayings on them.
There was one in New York that said "You're next on my to do list," which I almost got, but realized I wouldn't have the guts to wear.
Then I came up with a really dirty one... "If you think my dog is hot...wait til you see my pussy."

I know, it's horribly racy, but it made us laugh.

All you had to do is swing

"What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?
In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.

There's the pitch,
slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm the hero, but I'm the zero"

X squared & a tattoo

1) Oh how I hate those retarded couples who keep breaking up and getting back together again.
Let it be my new mantra.

My new best friend is my ex boyfriend. Is that even possible? It's a shame that we couldn't get along this fabulously as a couple. Some people just treat their "others" differently from their friends. Maybe we are those types of people.

I'm beginning to think a relationship is just a habit...and each relationship is unique with a protocol set very early on for how those two people relate to each other. Was our relationship just a series of escalating bad habits? Are you my bad habit?

Maybe certain people just clash within the context of certain relationships and flourish in the context of others.

I like to think that it's all just his fault. Here's a question: do people change? And for how long?

2) Tattoos

I have wanted a tattoo for over five years now. There is one reason I haven't done it yet and it isn't about pain or money or any foolishness like that. It's sheer indesiciveness. Plus I had set the most rediculous and unrealistic prerequisite for getting a tattoo - I have to first define myself and then, as if that isn't impossible enough, I have to find a symbol that encompasses that definition.

I'm 22. How could I possibly define myself?

I've settled on a seashell. I think...ugh. Any thoughts?

The good, the bad and the ugly

The Good:

Fridays
T.O. this weekend - soccer, grand prix and 'celebrate toronto'
Jazz in Waterloo
Watching the finals with my plane buddy from France
Last night. Enough said...

The bad:

Dropping makeup in the toilet - why is the shelf OVER the toilet anyway???

The ugly:

Italian soccer fans. TA GUEULE!!
Rent...nooooooooooooooooooooo!

This is me drunk out of my mind...

After throwing up at "Butter," apparently the hottest club in NYC.
FYI: Butter is CLOSED to non-celebrities on Saturday nights, but the bouncer will hit on you and let you in if you need to vomit or pass out in their very comfortable chairs.
We ended up at Butter after leaving a private party at another club where me and Irina somehow ended up stuck with everyone else's shots of Vodkas and god-knows-what-else.
At the end of the night, we ended up at a retro eightees bar called "Culture Club" and I danced with a gay Boy George impersonator. I miss New York.
Somehow, even when I'm really busy, I find time to be lonely.
Last night I wrote an awesome breakup song and then played Neil Young's "Heart of Gold" on the guitar until I passed out. I'm getting used to sleeping alone...does my dog count?

How little I know (2)

Your pictures are still in my room. Your socks are still in my drawer. Your name is still on the tip of my tounge and I find if I don't talk about you, I have nothing else to say.

With the realization that you might not be right for me comes the realization that I might be wrong.I used to obsess about my "future." Used to? I still do. But I define future differently now. It's not the what but the who that suddenly matters most. My biggest fear has always been to end up in the wrong job. Suddenly that has shifted to an absolute phobia of ending up with the 'wrong' person. And I don't even know if there's such a thing as a 'wrong person.'

Maybe life can't be wrong. Could it be that we just have to let things happen to us and make them work, and fit? What difference does it make what we choose? I can stay with him and be happy, but always wonder if I could be more happy. I can do the same with anyone else.

Why am doing this to myself, to him?

Deep down I think I know...it's this restlessness in me that does this, always has. Sometimes I need to rock the foundation of things until everything is just a heap of rubble. So I can rebuild the kind of life I think I want. And when it's done I'll look at it with heartbreaking disappointment and realize it simply didn't turn out the way I imagined in my head. And I'll start the cycle again.

Damn my stupid head, and rediculous imagination. I can't believe how little I know.

sex and the city quotes...

....

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming... can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite, in this lovely hotel, in Paris.

...

MAYBE...

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky,

a plane ride away.

...

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with.

...

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.